It's hard to write about roller derby.
Don't think it's because of a lack of thoughts. It's more that my morning coffee hasn't kicked in yet. And the Moody Blues are just a singer in a rock and roll band - singing really loudly over my shoulder.
Gotta love a good backbeat.
Anyway a tango pal of mine is a member of the "varsity" team of Maine Roller Derby - the MRD Port Authority. The Junior Varsity is the Calamity Janes. Either way they're a tough bunch I'd rather have on my side in any bar fight. Any really good bar fight. I think, by definition any bar fight you're lucky enough to share with a roller derby team is going to go down in memory as a really good bar fight.
But that's just me.
In the clear light of a Wednesday morning - some two weeks later, comma - in my customary POV at Mousse coffee shop, it seems like a very strange dream.
My good friend C. (Chief the Wonderdog's mommy) joined me, quickly lamenting leaving her camera (she is a formidable photographer) back at home. Fortunately, if not discreetly, I made it a point to state that I wasn't going to see this many women wailing on each other without having some kind of photographic record.
The Calamity Janes were up against Skate Free of Die, from just over the line in New Hamsha'.
C. had never been to roller derby before - we've all seen it (or think we've seen it) on T.V. and everyone remembers Raquel Welch in Kansas City Bomber (well, I do, anyway). This was flat track roller derby, with the track laid out on the floor of the Expo with very, very hard-stressed blue tape.
Our guys - gals - whatever - came in from the sides, Indian fashion (OK, I'll let that one pass) to the strains of "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" (Ennio Morricone probably will never know ...). Then both sides took the court (or the piste, or whatever) and a demonstration began.
This happened in place, the two teams showing how jammers picked up points by passing the peloton (I don't know how many more sports I can mix up into this). It was kind of cute, skating in place while also showing the different kinds of legal blocks.
It could also have pretty much been my entire description of the game, since Portland then proceeded to skate the everliving wheels off New Hampshire.
It gave you a chance to experience the beauty, grace, power and sheer majesty of the game because there really was no contest - our girls did us proud.
The players all have great noms-de-guerre; Itsy Bitsy Spider and Sugar Bush were our two most outstanding Jammers for the night but pretty much all the girls got a shot to score points. Lot's of dramatic makeup, lot's of dramatic grandstanding - a lot of fishnets.
Over in the "end zone" was a large beer garden, the only part of the stands that was really full. "Rowdy" would have been three shades of understatement - this crowd was liquored up, hyped, over-sexed and very, very well contained by really, really big bouncers in the entrances. The real highlight of the evening was watching 300 drunks try to do the wave without falling off the back of the bleachers.
My god, it was glorious.
Long story short - we totally sucked out New Hampshire by an incredible tally of 241 to 14. The only real competitive excitement came when the basketball-style scoreboard passed its designed limit of 199 points and reset Portland's score back to "0". That's when we showed our class and started cheering for Skate Free or Die to try to catch up with the home team.
Sadly this magnanimous gesture was wasted - Portland still won the game, 241 to 14. It wasn't even close.
It wasn't even close by a long chalk.
So, what did we learn by going to Maine Roller Derby?
We learned that fishnets on big mean women are oddly interesting.
We learned that bouncers are there for a reason - safety and rescue, mostly.
We learned that everyone can have a good time just watching people have fun.
We learned that Jim Alberty is slow as molasses on a winter morning when it comes to keeping this blog current.
So, it was a total hoot. Glad I was there and if I have time (as I tend to work on the weekends) I'm going back.
C. has declared she wants to try out.
Wow.
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