Associated FaceBook photo gallery is here.
Maybe it's a Native thing... at which point all but about 2 of you can stop reading - or continue and maybe learn something .... but it's really easy to see the moments of change from season to season.
At least they strike me very clearly.
The boundaries of one thing becoming another thing are like crystal to me. Perhaps it's knowing the taste of salt water well enough to know when you've left the rive and entered the sea.
Not really sure. I think that's it. I'm OK with not being really sure but still being sure enough to act, feel or think.
A respect and delight in ambiguity. Puns and tango. Never being quite sure which way I'm going to go and the best partners are the ones who are willing to rush in and tug in a new direction I hadn't considered.
The fruit-based tech company I work for actively encourages us to live in ambiguity, to make choices based inside it - and work with the result.
It went well - next week I have an even greater professional challenge - Logic Pro, music writing software I use every day. This is arguably the most complex test we give. I've failed it three times before - the last by .24 of a point.
So I'm fairly confident - but confidence in myself is a very new emotion for me. It's not something I was encouraged to feel as a child. Many of my friends had parents at games, concerts, people who understood what was going on and not only were there (as were my parents) to attend but specifically told their child they were capable - that they were deserving of trying, that success came if you worked hard enough.
Apparently that wasn't something I heard. Self-confidence, the belief in one's own basic confidence to accomplish, deserve what is attempted, is a very scary feeling for me. Sounds like begging for disaster.
But yesterday was pretty much proof that wasn't always the case.
So after a small celebratory sushi feast - ambiguity indeed - I walked around the neighborhood with my camera. The day was bright, warm. I'd dawdled over my gyoza and tea, the Sun had passed just a little too low to light the wonderful old brick buildings completely.
Still, the steeple tops were splashed with brightness, the shadows of leaves dappled them with jewels of light. Bright red sandstone was flush with late Summer sun's warmth.
Even the statue of Mr. Longfellow was a chiaroscuro etching against the westering Sun.
It felt good - and therefore strange - to just walk about and enjoy the day, to specifically continue the glow that started when my test score appeared in the passing category.
Usually I'd have shut it out and found something offensive in the water fountain or been frightened by the round of applause that burst out when I walked out of the test room door (Often at tango that gut-wrenching fear comes so fast I'm incapacitated and have to hide, often in plain sight). Maybe the curtsy I dropped in the moment helped fend it off.
Either way, the day was warm both because of what was outside and inside me.
I walk around dumbstruck by the beauty around me all the time.
I am surrounded by beautiful things and even more beautiful people and I love them all with a frightening intensity - as I've been informed on more than one occasion.
Just this once I was part of the crowd of lucky, happy people who could be themselves and just have fun.
The bricks were very, very warm. And very, very beautiful.
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